but actually during the storm.

"And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold."

Mumford&Sons, "After the Storm."

as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be

I spent this weekend at St. Gregory's Abbey in Three Rivers, MI. Over the course of three days, I attended eight services with the monks. These services were very quiet and beautiful. Tonight, like every Sunday night at 8, I attended the Gathering at Hope. This service is much louder and much more crowded than the services at the abbey. This made me start thinking about all the different worship experiences I've had. I've attended traditional Protestant services and contemporary Protestant services. I've attended Catholic and Episcopalian mass. I've attended extremely charismatic Pentecostal services. I've kneeled to pray in Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, St. Patrick's cathedral in Manhattan, St. Thomas's cathedral in Chennai, India, and in the room that houses Mother Teresa's tomb. I have sung praise songs in Portuguese, Spanish, Swahili and Latin.

But you know what's cool? Even with all the theological differences (which, as a student of theology I do find important)...all of those congregations, in their own language, at their own speed, and at their own volume are all praising the same God.

In the beginning

This semester I am in a poetry class. I had been hesitant to post poems before, since they really are still works in progress. But I decided to get over it. So here's one I wrote for the "myth" assignment. Comments welcome since next week we have to revise.



Incest, murder, rape.
Stories not meant for children.
But, for two curious PKs
they were:
before bed, on roadtrips, repeated later
to gawking friends at school.
Stories of ancient ancestors
paralleling the not so ancient ones:

Jacob served seven years to get Rachel
(Keith waited seven years for Denise
to say yes.)
And when the morning came,
there was Leah!
(the que sera, sera
of a career minister.)
So Abram went,
from his people
to the place the Lord showed him.
(So the Krebs went,
from their people
to Iowa, to Michigan, to Arizona.)

And the Spirit of God was
hovering
over the waters
(as the Spirit
hovers still
over your life)
And it was
(is)
very good.

grandma

my mom was recently cleaning out my grandma's house with her sister. when she was done she sent me a box filled with photos and jewelry and silver spoons and a rolling pin but mostly photos. the photos are beautiful and hilarious and fun. my grandma was gorgeous, don't you think? i miss her and i wish i had asked her to show me all these pictures when she was alive.

SENIOR YEAR.

- senioritis has already hit hard. not good news.
- last night, instead of the thousands of things i have to do this week, i wrote my advice list for india (not due until the prep class starts next spring)
- i have listened to the gayatri mantra online so many times yesterday and today.
- i have two internships. nine hours per week each. that is terrifying.
- you know what's boring? briefing supreme court cases. in other words, i think that 1% of me that was still considering law school sometime in the future has been convinced otherwise.
- this morning i went to meijer for: foil, pam, diet coke, school supplies, and eggs. i came home with: foil, pam, diet coke, and two donuts.
- good intentions has been the theme of this year so far. right now i have four word documents open with assignments due today through next monday. i have internet tabs open with schedules for ottawa county courthouse and fred johnson's campaign--for my internships. but i'm doing this blog.

living life well

Lately I have found myself growing frustrated at the hours of time that I spend doing nothing worthwhile. You know: the hours spent avoiding other responsibilities. And since you feel guilty doing something fun when you are supposed to be doing work, you end up idly wasting those hours away. Scrolling through the facebook newsfeed over and over, thinking "oh I will do that reading in five more minutes." Organizing your itunes even though it's been like that for so long that you know where everything is so who cares? What a waste. I am continually thinking about how I wish I had more time to read or bike or talk to friends face to face so why do I do that?

That is my goal this semester and for the rest of my life. I don't want to kill time. What a terrible thing. I want to spend my time engaging with people I love, enjoying the outdoors before it gets too cold, reading good books, and writing for fun. I want to learn more recipes and I want to do my homework on time so I'm not stressed out. I want to do a good job at my internship. I want to leave my phone at home sometimes and I want to turn it off during coffee dates. I want to learn to appreciate silence. I want to be fully present and I want to live my life well.

flying a kite.

"La, da-da, dee, di
Look at my kite fly
Over foggy fields
The pungent pines
The verdant veils
The vapid vines
And the thousand purple cups of wine
The tearing teeth and the four full tines
The crumpling feast and the dawdling dine"

i just love joanna newsom so much.

sing to the mountains

"sing to the mountains,
sing to the sea,
sing to the sparrow
high in the tree
sing to the forest
sing to the breeze
sing to the weed
that grows up through the street
sing to the spider
sing to the bee
sing to the seaweed
dry on the beach
sing to the mountain
sing to the sea
sing to the dog
that curls up by your feet"

- vio/miré

ooh la la!

- Here is a list of my activities in Paris, in order of how often I do them: sleep, eat Nutella-filled crepes in parks, aimlessly wander about Montmartre. Not a bad life I'd say.
- It rains all the time in Paris.
- Today I saw a small French boy walk up to a mud puddle, exclaim "ooh la la!" and jump in. Precious.
- Yesterday I went to the Louvre. It was beautiful, of course, but also stressful. No English anywhere and also thousands of people shoving you everywhere.
- One of the most wonderful things about Europe is the fact that I can ingest the tap water. I can fill my water bottle from the sink when I wake up thirsty at 3 a.m., I can eat salads, I can buy drinks with ice in them...
- Instead of attempting to get my body off of India time, I keep going to bed at 8:00. I can tell my roommates at the hostel think I'm really lame. Tomorrow I need to leave for the airport around 5:30, so I may go to bed even earlier.
- Today I once again forgot that a kilogram is bigger than a pound, and also I was flustered by the fact that the man wouldn't speak English, and ended up walking away with 2.2 pounds of cherries.

oui oui

Yesterday I said goodbye to India and flew to Paris to spend the next few days.
- Today my plan was to just relax and perhaps walk around a bit. Instead I went on two guided tours. Perhaps Chacha's ADD wore off a bit? Now I have seen almost all of the touristy things, at least from afar.
- When we got here this morning it was 50 degrees and I was freezing. It warmed up quite a bit but I was never sweaty.
- I would say that 90% of the time here I think in a British accent. That makes no sense.
- This is my first time staying in a hostel. I think one of my three roommates is a boy. Or a girl with freakishly large feet. Hmm.

also...

- I overuse the word 'also' in my life.
- The thing I want more than anything these days is a good spinach salad. We get zero raw vegetables here and I can feel my arteries clogging. Yesterday I bought a green pepper and ate it plain because I miss raw vegetables so much.
- Yesterday Kallie and I followed two different wedding processions trying to get invited to a wedding but it didn't work.
- My Chacos smell worse than they ever have thanks to the cows of Varanasi and my own sweat.
- in Varanasi we had mangoes that you squeeze until they are squishy and then suck out the pulpy juice from the top. I will be trying this method with mangoes at home and I will be very sad if it doesn't work.
- In the month or so before India I probably took about two photos. I don't know what caused my lack of motivation, but it lasted into the first few weeks of India. Before Varanasi I took 500 photos. In Varanasi I took almost 200. I cannot wait to edit them all.
- The desktop image on this computer is the guy who works here's face. I find that hilarious.

Wavin' Flag

- The bus drivers who drove us from Chennai to Mahabalipuram and back were straight out of the Three Stooges. Hilarious.
- When we were in Kolkata we volunteered in Mother Teresa's ministry. We worked in Daya Dan, a home for handicapped children. The children were beautiful and it broke my heart that we could only help out one day. I loved Kolkata and I really hope to go back and explore more someday.
- While I was on the bus going to volunteer I heard some guys singing K'naan. It was beautiful.
- Later, at Daya Dan, I talked to one of the guys who was singing K'naan. Turns out he's transferring to Hope next year.
- Yesterday (in Varanasi) lots of beautiful children begged me to take their picture. I was happy to oblige.
- Today a man holding a machine gun told me that he likes my sari.

exactly.

"India is in some ways like a fun hall of mirrors where I can see both sides of each contradiction sharply and there's no easy escape to understanding.

What's more, India's extremes are endlessly confronting."

- Sarah MacDonald, "Holy Cow! An Indian Adventure"

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- Today we arrived in Mahabalipuram for the "beach holiday" portion of our trip. We are in a lovely resort on the water and enjoying some relaxation before jetting off to Kolkata tomorrow.
- It is so humid here. I've been out of the pool for over an hour and I'm still wet. ...probably some of it is sweat now. Lovely.
- Beaches here include lots of dead sealife, fishing boats and cows. The fishermen find it very amusing when I take pictures of those things.
- 21 is still not legal to drink in India. But also no one ever checks IDs.
- Someone set this computer to be in Polish (I think) and it is confusing me.
- I just finished reading "Holy Cow! An Indian Adventure" by Sarah Macdonald. It was lovely. Most of the pages fell out because it was a bootleg copy that I paid $.50 for in Mumbai.

48° celsius

- We are in Chennai and it is definitely the hottest it's been so far. Also humid. I drank 5 liters of water yesterday. Luckily they cost $.30 each.
- Right now it is 4:30 pm on my 21st birthday. So far I have been to the zoo and the "snake park." ....I am a 7 year old boy.
- I have the greatest farmer's tan.
- I have shaved my legs once in the past two weeks. Gross.
- I think I found the cheapest phone in the world - I just called home for 40 minutes and it cost $2.
- I haven't mentioned this but long distance phones in India are called STDs. Also there are a lot of them so every 10 meters or so you see a large sign that says "STD" on the street. Since I'm really mature I always giggle.
- When I went back to look at my hostel reservation for Paris it had me down for June 6, July 6, August 6 and September 6....instead of June 7-11. Hmm.
- I have the weirdest dreams here. Last night I dreamt that I killed Hitler. And my guy friends from Orange City helped me bury him in the middle of the night.
- I left my ipod in my bag in Delhi and every single day I kick myself for that.

Indian pharmacies

- Yesterday I was pretty sick. I told Chacha my symptoms and he told me to take antibiotics. Unfortunately, I forgot to fill my prescription at home, so he took me down the street to a pharmacy where they gave me a 5-day antibiotic and anti-diarrhea meds for 60rs. No prescription. Awesome.
- Today we went to a temple on a mountain and took a "holy bath" in a miraculous spring from the Ganges. Basically, there is a natural spring on the mountain and a guy filled a bucket from it and dumped it on our heads. It was refreshing and kind of fun.
- There is a small, old temple in Madurai. During the day, a bunch of tailors work in it. I've had 3 pairs of pants and an apron made. I also bought a few cool bags. It's making me wish I had my own tailor.

Madurai

Today we are in Madurai. There was an optional hike this morning but I needed a break - physically and emotionally.
- Mango tictacs are the best. Don't worry, they are 10rs. so I'm going to bring home so many.
- In India, lines don't mean anything.
- The punjabis we bought are really cheap and really small, so I am getting pretty good at mending stuff. I had to let out the sleeves and the sides of one of them.
- Yesterday while we were driving to Madurai we stopped at a Murugan temple. Murugan's vahana (animal helper/ride) is a peacock. There were peacocks everywhere around the temple, many with their tails up. Of course it was the first time I didn't have my camera.
- Monkeys in India are not cute. At that temple one attacked Sarah and stole her water bottle.
- Once you have gone to a public bathroom in India barefoot...you can do anything.

10rs. an hour

Today we are in Trichy (Tirucchirappali but no one says that). We found an internet place by the hotel that is 10rs ($.25). for one hour. At least nine of us are in here, spread out through the different rooms. A couple minutes ago Dirksen yelled "We're on knowhope!" (it's our Times of India article) and everyone scrambled to check it. Here are some more random thoughts:
- If you ever want to know what it's like to have paparazzi, come to India. Today we were just sitting on this rock resting and I think fifty pictures were taken.
- If you ever make it to Bangalore, India, do not take an autorickshaw. All of the drivers are nuts.
- In Tamil (the language of the state we are in now), 'goodbye' is 'tata.' So apparently Tigger can speak Tamil.
- Today at the restaurant they put butter and cheese powder on our rice and it tasted like spicy macaroni. Yum.
- This 9 hour time difference is annoying.
- My mom sends the best, most random letters. Today's included pictures of a sculpture she saw in Des Moines recently.
- My little sister is running at the state track meet today and graduating on Sunday!

Times of India!

They printed our story really fast! Haha the guys in our hotel were so excited to show us this morning!

Also only two of us are staying after to volunteer...they made us look like such philanthropists!

Namaste!

Today marks one week that I have been in India. It feels like months. We have already been in four cities (Delhi, Jaipur, Mumbai, Bangladore) and so much has happened! Here are some highlights. Random order as they occur to me.

- American summer clothes are slutty, hot, and uncomfortable. I love punjabis and saris!
- I keep picking the craziest clothes - they all have at least three patterns. Love it.
- Saris are impossible to tie and we are so bad at it. Luckily the Indian women are gung-ho about fixing us. Yesterday when we were flying to Bangalore the lady at security wouldn't let me go through until she unwrapped and re-wrapped me.
- Modesty here is different. The saris show your stomach, which I absolutely hate. But if your sari slips and shows the front part of your sari blouse that is way slutty. Or if your petticoat shows on the bottom.
- In India you can buy a candy bar called Maria.
- We rode elephants in Jaipur. Definitely the most touristy thing we've done but so fun. A boy took our picture and printed it out. I waited until right before we left and then bought it for 10rs. (about a quarter)
- Jaipur is in the desert state of Rajasthan and it's so much like Arizona! I loved the dry heat and I recognized a bunch of plants.
- My peacock obsession is being nurtured nicely. One of my saris has peacocks. Also I saw one fly for the first time!
- Someone asked us to be in a Bollywood movie in Mumbai. We had to say no because the timing didn't work...shoot. We did get in the newspaper though. Apparently Americans wearing saris is big news.
- Corn on the cob with spices on the street in India is the best.
- Coffee in India is so bad. Think one tablespoon of instant coffee in a mug of hot cream. With more sugar than coffee powder.
- Today Kallie and I bought designer saris. Like while the shop people were pulling them out they were telling us the names of the famous designers who made them. Also it only cost $12. $16 with the matching sari blouse that the tailor is making for me overnight.
- The food is absolutely fantastic and I'm going to be so sad when I'm back to cooking for myself. Also every restaurant has delicious vegetarian food. I'll miss that too.